This is a post about my bullet journal story of three years. Why did I stop? Why did I decide to start it again? You’ll find the answers in this post.

A started bullet journalling in July 2018. It wasn’t a typical bullet journal as I just wanted to try it at first to see if I like it or not. I used a green A5 Filofax binder and loose-leaf blank sheets. I became addicted to it, so in December, I got myself a proper dot grid notebook. I had boxes of washi tapes, pencils, gel pens, felt tip pens, fine liners, you name it, to create spreads every month. I got more and more creative and shared my spreads on my old blog and YouTube channel, so it became a passion.

In 2020 my now ex-husband moved out leaving me alone with a then 3-year-old little girl, two cats, a dog, a house to clean, a garden to take care of and bills to pay. A was working six days a week, juggling between motherhood and work and in the meantime, trying to convince my unfaithful husband to get a divorce. By December 2020, I started to feel tired and as I was standing at the bullet journal shelf of my favourite store, I was thinking about buying a new journal for 2021 or not. I did. I thought that journalling, drawing, and creating would be good for my mental health and if you look at the photos from my 2021 journal, it’s clear that I was putting a lot of time and effort into it.

2021 was a year of chaos for me and it all peaked at Christmas when my now ex (then husband) came to pick up our daughter so that she could spend half of the winter break with him. He came with his girlfriend and the last piece of information I got was that they were leaving the city to travel to my in-laws, who lived a 4-hour drive from us, to spend Christmas with them and he also wanted to introduce his girlfriend to the family. They didn’t arrive. I kept in touch with my in-laws who were just as worried because he didn’t answer the phone. I didn’t know where my daughter was for five days. One evening I was sitting in the dark living room thinking, ‘Here’s this house that I have to clean and heat and it’s so big for us that we don’t use half of it and according to our divorce agreement I have to give up child support in return for the house because I don’t have enough money to pay for his share at once. I have to carry all the weight alone, I’m tired, stressed – this is all life has for me in store?’. I decided to sell the house and have a mini house built. I was so numb that I spent an entire day browsing bullet journal ideas on Pinterest, and then sat down to set up my new journal but I was in pilot mode.

On the first week of February, our divorce was finalized and I put the house on the market. I was sold in five days, I agreed with the new owner that we could stay until April, so I spent the following months decluttering, selling stuff and starting the construction of our new home. Of course, I had no time for journaling whatsoever.

I was feeling so numb that I left he most important pages empty. I couldn’t think of any goals except for survival.

In late April, we moved to my parents’ place. I shared a room with my daughter, didn’t have a table or a desk, and I was working sitting on the floor with my laptop on a chair. My godmother offered me a room where I could teach during the day. My father limited my Internet access, I couldn’t teach in the evening, so I had to have all my classes during the day and I even had to cancel translation projects as I wasn’t allowed to work in the evening or at night. I didn’t have a proper place to draw and write, so my journal was resting at the bottom of a cardboard box. You can read more about that period of my life in THIS post.

By late July I had totally lost myself, I was emotionally drained and although our new house wasn’t ready, I decided to move in anyway. On Sunday morning when my daughter was at my ex’s, I packed all our stuff and left. The walls weren’t painted, only the bare grey drywalls, there was no running water, toilet and electricity. The plumber and the electrician finished their jobs three days after I moved in, during that time, I went to shops to use the toilet and had showers at my godmother’s or at a friend’s place. My daughter was staying with my ex for a week, so the place was okay when she got home. The painter came after the plumber and the electrician were done and I had to work and live while he was painting the house. The little one was going to kindergarten, so that was a huge help. Most of our items were still in boxes, including my journal. When I finally unpacked the boxes and found my journal, I thought that I would never use it again, so I placed it on a bookshelf and forgot about it.

Now that almost all of our stuff is in the right place, I feel the need to reconnect with myself. The other day we were shopping for a notebook and stickers for an extra class at kindergarten and I saw this beauty. It’s an A4 size dot grid exercise book.

The front cover

 

The back cover
The good old dot grid bullet journal sheets inside

I started to miss journaling. I don’t want to do it with the usual bullet journal notebook, but I would like to come with larger spreads and new designs in this one.

I’m looking forward to set up for October at the weekend.